Reflecting Back and Looking Forward

A view of La Paz from one of our families homes

So today makes 7 months that I have been living here in Bolivia.  A long time, but in truth, it has passed by way to fast.  I feel like just last month I was flipping pizzas at Domino’s and fishing in the pond.  Then again, it feels as if I have lived here for years; it feels like home.  Thinking about leaving and going back to the states is very difficult for me.  I am torn now between my two homes.  I miss my family and friends back in the states.  I miss driving my own car down back country roads.  I miss fishing and hunting.  I miss my small town life.  On the other hand, I’m going to miss my family and friends here in La Paz.  Some days as I walk around I feel like I am back in Hillsborough because every corner I turn I see someone I know.  The other volunteers here and the Hope team have become like family as well.  Before moving here I lived alone.  Everything was quiet and peaceful.  Now, I am living in a house with 10 Germans.  Who would have thought that I would have 10 German brothers and sisters?  I think back to Thanksgiving and Christmas, about how everyone was missing their families who were thousands of miles away, but we had our little family here.  It was so fun spending Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner together just laughing and having a great time.  Also, I am going to miss how everyday is like an adventure here.  You never know what to expect!  There may be a bloqueo and you can’t get to work.  Or you may have an opportunity to discover a new place that hardly anyone knows about.  There is so much history and culture, as well as MANY people to get to know.

 

Children from one of the families alone while the mother is in the hospital hours away having another baby

Working and living here has been no easy task.  First of all, living in a country where you have to learn a different language to communicate and survive can be very difficult.  My Spanish is not perfect, I am still learning with everyday that passes, but it blows my mind at how much I am able to communicate.  When I left home I could barely hold a conversation in Spanish.  I understood more or less what people were saying if they spoke slowly enough, but now I am speaking Spanish all day.  I have had conversations that have lasted over an hour.  I am able to express how I am feeling and all my dreams in Spanish.  Even when talking to people who understand English, I default to Spanish in our conversations.  The scary thing is that a lot of the time I can think of a word in Spanish but cannot even remember the word in English.  I am excited to see with 6 more months to go, how much more Spanish will I be speaking and how much more English I will forget?  I hope that when I return I can find a way to use this new found talent. 

 

Bedroom from one of the families.  Many people cram onto one bed at night to sleep and keep warm

The second difficulty about living here and working here is some of the things I see.  There have been times where it was very difficult to hold back the tears.  I have seen many things that are a little difficult to take in while working here.  Every day I am in the houses of many of the poorest families here in La Paz and El Alto.  I wasn’t very wealthy growing up, but I never went hungry or went without.  I’ve seen mothers who haven’t eaten for days so that their kids will have more to eat.  On the other hand I have seen kids who haven’t eaten because their parents decide to be selfish and not share.  I have seen kids struggling in school because their parents can’t afford school materials for them to learn and their parents have very little education themselves to be able to help with homework.  Many parents can’t afford the proper health care for their kids as well as themselves so many of them suffer.  I see people hurting from cancer and tumors, people who aren’t able to work because of the pain from arthritis, and I see may people including kids from the age of 5 who have rotten teeth and missing many in between.  Part of my job includes going to these people’s houses and seeing how they live and asking the hard questions that you know will make many cry.  Many of these houses are constructed out of Adobe and only consist of one room that usually anywhere from 5 to 12 people sleep.  Normally they have one or two beds that everyone crams on to so that they don’t have to sleep on the floor and so that they can keep warm.  Many of these families are lucky if they have a toilet.  Asking many of the families during our visits where their bathroom is they point down the hill.  Some families still have to cook over a fire using scrap wood and boxes they find to burn.  I see many people digging through the garbage everyday living off the things that other people have thrown away. 

 

Many families still cook meals over fire

Houses made out of Adobe

But those are just the things you see from the outside.  Within the families usually there are many things that happen that just bring tears to your eyes and break your heart.  Many of our families are broken and shattered.  Most of our families only have one parent who takes care of them.  There are many mothers or fathers who have passed away and the other has to take up the slack trying to provide for the family.  Or there are many situations where either the mother or the father has abandoned the family to fend for themselves.  These families are full of pain and confusion.  There are many cases where kids have run away from their families to live in the streets with other runaways to escape the poverty of their family.  Many resort to using drugs and stealing things to make money to eat.  The families are left in pain because they have no clue why family members continue to abandon them.  In other situations the children are beaten or sexually abused.  I have heard parents say out of anger or a drunken state that it was their kid and they could kill it if they wanted to.  I have seen a family where a girl is the mother of her own brothers and sisters.  The father had raped and abused her many times.  These kids are psychologically damaged and confused.  They grow up thinking they have done something wrong and not knowing how to raise a family of their own.  Many children in these situations try to escape the family and turn to a life in the streets.  These are only a few examples of the many saddening situations there are.

 

Inside one of the houses

Many families dont have bathrooms.  Some are lucky to have a hole in the ground

My eyes have seen and experienced many things here in this short amount of time.  I’m sure I haven’t seen it all though.  I know that returning home to the states will be difficult after many of the things I have seen here.  How can my life not change after my time here?  I am left with many questions and also with many answers.  If you have questions about what poverty looks like, I have answers.  If you have questions about what it is like to spend every day with broken families and trying to give them hope, I have answers.  The questions that I am left with and am continuing to search for the answers are: how can you really help the poor?  How can you give hope to these families that are broken to pieces?  How can you encourage these kids to escape this cycle of poverty that has consumed so many?  I am beginning to understand these topics more and more everyday but I am still without the answers.  I am hoping that one day I will figure them out no matter how long it takes.  My goal is that when I return I can continue to search for more understanding.  Also, that I can take from my experiences here and use them to help open the eyes of others so that they can see what I’ve seen.  We can go through life with our blinders on and never see the people right next to us who are struggling to get by or who are looking for a shred of hope.

I hope that these final 6 months here will continue to open my eyes and challenge my thoughts as the first 7 have done.  I hope that you who read this blog can see what I have seen and decide to help make a difference big or small, whether it be the family down the street, across town, or on the other side of the world.  There are many kids in this world who have no hope or encouragement.  They just need someone to care and give them the time of day and the hope of a future.